Back in 2022, I had barely begun to bid my farewells to summer before temperatures dropped 10 degrees overnight, and autumn greeted me like a cold splash of water to the face.
The sharp shift of seasons seemed to be mirrored in my emotional landscape. My mood moved swiftly from a high-charged hope to a dampened disappointment.
Yet another year was coming to a close, and naturally my thinking transitioned from what can I do? to what have I done?
In many ways it had been a fruitful year.. I was wrapping up my first job working in a community garden, closing my group mentoring space: inflor-essence and completing my certification in The Mentor Training.
Although I could recognise what I had achieved, I found it hard to celebrate myself. Instead I felt sodden with grief over the dreams that didn’t seem to come into fruition.
At the time I had been living with my boyfriend in Germany for just over 2 years, trying to grow roots in a quaint little town called Nierstein where he grew up.
After navigating covid restrictions, brexit regulations, and shitty jobs, I couldn’t help but wish that by this point I would be further along.. with making friends, learning the language, finding a stable job to support me alongside my business.
Despite my best efforts I still felt like a seedling that hadn’t yet integrated with the surrounding soil.
No longer supplemented by the blazing light of the sun, I noticed my own inner fire was dwindling..
I was so tired. I wanted nothing more than to just crawl into my comfort zone and surrender. I wasn’t sure if I had the energy to make it through another winter in Germany without burning out. The foundation I had managed to create for myself still sadly didn’t feel supportive enough to hold me while I restored my energy.
From this place of raw emotion, I could no longer avoid the truth I didn’t want to accept.
I was ready to go home.
When I finally landed.. so did all of the big feelings I hadn’t felt strong enough to hold space for before. Back in the loving company of my family, long term friends and beloved dog, I finally felt safe enough to melt into a deep rest.
Most of the year that followed was spent riding the residual emotional waves, and weeding through my messy mind to make sense of the whirlwind that life has been since 2020 (I wrote a short poem about it here).
At the time I was eager to shake it off and return to the usual programming; aka keep scrambling to get as far as possible from the stagnancy I felt within my growth.
But as you may have already been able to guess; that kept me stuck even longer.
It wasn’t until I acknowledged that:
my body was coming out of survival mode
my feelings were valid, educational, and not a burden
just because things didn’t go my way, doesn’t mean I failed
the changes that were happening - though not wanted, were sorely needed..
that I actually began moving forward.
In order to expand, I had to allow myself to contract.
The cosmic giggle of it all is, that the path I was so reluctant to go down, the one I didn’t truly believe in the value of.. was the path that would lead me to where I wanted to be all along.
What appeared on the surface to be a season of stagnancy, in divine timing revealed itself to be one of potent transformation.
With the gift of hindsight that welcoming yet another new year has graced us with, I can see now that this time gave me the opportunity to integrate everything I had learned. So that I can not only branch out, but deepen my roots, with genuine trust and confidence in myself.
But that’s just one part of the cosmic giggle, stayed tuned for part two.
If you find yourself overwhelmed and in need of a safe place to share or want to connect with a community of people deeply committed to mentoring one another through difficult times, please reach out to us at hello@thementortraining.com or go here to learn more.
This newsletter was written by our administration director and mentor Mollie Lyst.
Mollie Lyst
Administrations Director & Mentor
A lover… of dance, poetry, exploration and deep connection.
Mollie keeps us all organised, on track, and on time as joyfully as possible and takes incredible care of our clients and students. She acts as the first point of contact when you get in touch and makes sure that you stay happy, supported and informed throughout your time with us. She holds the web that carries us through as an organisation.
Mollie also manages our social media, keeps our TMT community humming, and is a lead mentor in our online training.
Mollie has completed a level 3 apprenticeship in Business Administration, and has been honing her work as a mentor and intuitive over the last 3 years through her personal brand.
Thank you for this. Someone else gets it.
Swap Nierstein for Ulm but keep the whole next paragraph and it could be my story too!