In part one I spoke about reluctantly making the decision to let go of the life I was trying to build for myself with my partner in Germany, and move back into my family home in search of more stability..
Before I left for my return to England, we invited a few friends over for a casual ‘goodbye’ get together, and one friend said something that night that would echo through my being for months to come.
I was still trying to convince myself of my ‘why’ for leaving, to the point where it was spilling out in almost every conversation I had (and would continue to for a while even after returning home). I remember speaking with that friend, trying to wrangle my reasons together, hoping to receive the validation for my decision that I couldn’t seem to offer myself.
In response she told me a story about a similar experience she’d had, summarising it with something along the lines of ‘the grass isn’t always greener on the other side’..
It was something I had heard before, and better yet learned before, as I’m sure most of us have. But in my vulnerability, hearing it in that moment stung.
But it has to be.. I thought, I couldn’t stand to swallow her sentiment. I knew I had my family at home, friends whom I love and trust. There was a language I could speak, and therefore more potential job opportunities and people I could connect with.
I would have what I needed to actually water my grass, so why wouldn’t it be greener?
Before I go on: A gentle reminder that The Mentor Training early bird enrollments close this Sunday! Get 20% off with the code: EB2024 at checkout. Class starts Monday, April 1.
Back home, while I let my body and soul surrender to the rest that I craved, I kept my mind focused on trying to find a part-time job that I could enjoy. I was determined to water my grass, to support myself, to not just survive but thrive.
So I poured every last scrap of hope I had left into applying for a job as a floral assistant. Flowers have been a huge source of inspiration in my life, and I have always dreamed of being able to work with them.
Less than a week later, to my absolute delight I was invited for an online assessment. Another week passed and I received an invite to a group workshop interview. I let the hope grow wild within me. I affirmed it was already mine and I believed it.
Long story short: I made it to the 1:1 interview, and got the job out of over 100 applicants. I was over the moon. Finally, finally things were looking up for me! I knew I still had some magic in me.
I loved everything about it. The workplace was a beautiful warehouse filled with flowers, the team were a group of sweet, friendly girls. It was woman owned, they were striving for high standards in sustainability, and I got to weave flower crowns all day.. a dream come true, right?!
Well.. the first red flag revealed itself promptly on my first day, when our manager, the husband of the founder, made one of the girls cry and subsequently hand in her notice. I made a note to myself to stay out of his way as not to ‘poke the dragon’. However as a few weeks passed I realised that may be easier said than done, his energy was negatively affecting everyone at some point or another.
Every woman there was a soft spoken, gentle soul. And while a part of me is too.. there is also a part of me that is fiery and outspoken. When he asserted his dominance the others would elegantly listen, but when the time inevitably came for me to be on the receiving end, I couldn’t pretend to put him on the pedestal he so desperately wanted to be on.
I communicated with clarity and a grounded confidence, knowing I was being respectful and putting the work first. I didn’t shrink in the way he wanted me to, in the way he wanted all of us to..
Can you guess what happened next?
Just 6 weeks into my 3 month probation, I reached the quota I needed to be kept on. In one sense I was relieved - I was safe, right? Why would he fire someone who is a great worker just because they don’t play into your power dynamics?
But in another sense I felt dissatisfied - was this really the vision I had for myself?
The day after I reached my quota, he invited me for a chat just before the end of my shift. He said something about different working styles, not being the right fit for each other, and that today would be my last day.
“Okay” I said. And I got up and walked out. He was right. We weren’t the right fit. If I had to mute myself and witness out of integrity behaviour from a manager to fit in, then I was happy to be a misfit.
While I was somewhat relieved, it was also the last blow I could take.. but I didn’t want to let it show. I distracted myself by working on the back end of my business, and tried to trust that even though I felt like pure shit.. surely life had to have something around the corner for me.
I knew my skills would be an asset somewhere, I knew I had a lot to offer, and that the right people would deeply appreciate it. I gave my mind a break and went to visit my love in Germany to recharge before putting myself back out there again.
A few month or so later I hopped on a call with
to talk about being a leader for the next enrollment of The Mentor Training students, and I hopped off the call as a member of the TMT Collective.It felt like an out pour of rain on to my barren inner landscape. My spirit sung in shades of saturated grassy greens.
Coming out of a cycle of feeling so lost and confused, I couldn’t help but laugh at the clear message and redirection the universe was gifting me. The return to my truth, to my power.
My friend was right, the grass wasn’t greener in England. The grass was greener when I honoured and valued myself.
I almost shrunk myself down for a man who (quite literally) put his office on top of a bathroom so that he could look down on us.
And now.. I get to work with people with integrity, for a cause I deeply believe in. I’m currently honing my mentoring offering so that I can get back in to the work I adore, and gearing up for The Mentor Training this spring! (A training my ex-manager could certainly benefit from..)
The Mentor Training early bird enrollments close this Sunday (2 days!!) Sign up to invest in your personal and professional growth this Spring, at a softer price. Get 20% off with the code: EB2024 at checkout. Class starts Monday, April 1. Enrol here.
This newsletter was written by our administration director and mentor Mollie Lyst.
Mollie Lyst
Administrations Director & Mentor
A lover… of dance, poetry, exploration and deep connection.
Mollie keeps us all organised, on track, and on time as joyfully as possible and takes incredible care of our clients and students. She acts as the first point of contact when you get in touch and makes sure that you stay happy, supported and informed throughout your time with us. She holds the web that carries us through as an organisation.
Mollie also manages our social media, keeps our TMT community humming, and is a lead mentor in our online training.
Mollie has completed a level 3 apprenticeship in Business Administration, and has been honing her work as a mentor and intuitive over the last 3 years through her personal brand.