"It’s quite complicated and messy when you no longer freeze and override your emotions, but it’s also so much more alive and vibrant as well”
- The Mentor Training
I remember the first time that I held space for myself in an intentional way. I had been living on autopilot for months, trying my very best to avoid facing what needed to be felt. I had been so low for so long, and I was scared of experiencing more.
That time is hazy to look back on, but I what I do recall was that I was triggered, overwhelmed (as I was most days at the time) and I could no longer handle the headache of overthinking.
I came home, walked straight into my room, sat down on my bed, closed my eyes and placed my hand on my heart. I breathed, and surrendered to it all. I gave myself permission to allow the whirlwind of emotions that had been living within me to rise up to be witnessed.
I didn’t sit for long, but I didn’t need to. So much had been brewing beneath the surface, so much needed to shift that when I took a look behind the veil it was all right there, clear as day.
Not only had I been experiencing contracting emotions, I had been judging myself for it. I had big feelings that had been brewing up strong messages, but I didn’t see the value in feeling what was uncomfortable, or giving space to emotions that I didn’t understand. If it didn’t instantly make me happier, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to believe that there could be any purpose in reflecting on my shadows. I was afraid of what I might see, I was afraid to contract further.
Through refusing to feel what was there, I was rejecting myself, my truth. I was keeping myself stuck by separating myself into parts of; those that deserve to be loved and seen, and those that should be repressed and ignored.
In that moment of realisation, my perspective changed forever.
Oh.. these uncomfortable feelings aren’t trying to tell me I am a terrible person. They just want my acknowledgement, my compassion, my unconditional love. They are not me, but they are here to communicate something to me. I can listen to them and let them go.
That was my first step towards learning emotional fluency and practicing holding space for myself. That moment was a catalyst for long-term, grounded positive change in my life.
Since then I have continued to learn to embrace the full spectrum of emotions with compassion and non-judgement. It takes continued practice, and has been one of the most challenging, yet valuable and transformative skills I have learned so far on my personal growth journey.
Sure it has been messy and confusing. I haven’t always felt comfortable with letting myself be seen in certain lights. But I feel so much more at peace within my soul, knowing I am being honest with myself. I am slowing growing deep authentic roots that support me, I feel more steady moving through the seasons of life. Better yet, I am able to hold the same space for others, and offer them the support I know I needed back then.
After every contraction, there comes an expansion. Over time and through my practice I have become so much more confident in expressing myself and letting myself be seen, even in my shadow. I wrote a poem about it here:
The more I allow myself to feel, the more support I open myself up to. In 2022 I decided to invest in The Mentor Training to help me to hone all of the skills I had intuitively learned along my own path - and ground them with psychology and technical mentoring skills.
If you also want to learn how to hold safe an effective space to feel and develop emotional fluency, or want to support others in doing the same.. 2024 enrollments are now open and close in less than 2 weeks!
Class begins April 1st - Learn more here.