What was the hardest thing?

& 10 other questions on the slow and difficult steps to the moderate success of running a mentoring business.

May 08, 2024

I always knew I was going to create a life on my terms.

I also knew that to do so I had to be a little strange, and outlandish, run against the current, and have people disagree with me, and dislike me. I was ok with that.

It was inevitable that I would end up working for myself. I was a terrible employee: I would do that bare minimum; I felt utterly divested and dispassionate about my employer’s goals and aims; I questioned the working hours because I knew I could get more results faster and resented having to drag them across a full working day. More than anything, I wanted space and time to enjoy my life.

But building a business, from the ground up, on a shoestring was no walk in the park.

It required me to dig deep, face some of my biggest shadows, and learn to do things that I had judged myself as incompetent at. Because building your own business is the most intense personal growth program you could ever take. There’s nothing you can get away with if you want to succeed.

You sent in some excellent questions on running a mentoring business that I am excited to answer for you today.

1. What was the hardest thing? And maybe still is… and how are you dealing with it?

Overcoming my own limited beliefs and conditioning. I’ve had to break through so many of my own glass ceilings in areas including money, time, value, self-trust, and believing in myself. It’s an ongoing process that probably will never end because that’s what growth looks like. I notice that when I hit a block everything seems to stand still like it’s holding its breath wondering “Can she do it, can she break through this one?” I tend to resist at first because what I am hitting up against is so foreign. That’s the hardest part. Once I’ve acknowledged that to get to the other side I need to change my belief system, and perception and do some soul excavation and bodywork I have something tangible to sink my teeth into and then can find my flow again.

2. How do you release the fear of not having/making enough money in your own business?

When I have money fears or concerns come up I recognise this as a deeper issue around trust, the desire to grow and the feeling of lack. This fear is an invitation to look at my relationship with money. It’s a fear that exists for everyone but becomes amplified when you own your responsibility to provide for yourself in a very real way. Which can be both thrilling and terrifying. Your relationship with money will have to be addressed to be able to move through the fears and break the glass ceiling of how much money you can make.

Here are 4 articles I’ve written on the topic:

3. How do you balance working on your inner world and supporting others when it gets tough?

Self-care is paramount and one of the gifts of working for myself is that I have had the chance to get to know myself, what works for me, and what I need to function at my highest level. The thing is, life is really hard at times but in those challenges, we are being stretched and offered more depth, more compassion, more tools that we can then pass on to others. I trust that what I’m learning and going through is what my work is here to communicate and give to the world. The two go hand-in-hand for me, rather than being separate. So I keep showing up, with presence, and spill whatever is moving through me out into the containers of my work that I have created, trusting that they will need with whom and how they need to.

4. How did you get the confidence to become a mentor? How did you know that you could do it?

Training, practice, and support from other mentors. I studied Psychology and as part of my degree undertook many practical counseling hours under observation in clinical settings which gave me the mentoring framework and human cognitive behavior understanding. I also took a business course that offered me the foundational knowledge for developing my online business. When I was ready to leap I did a few free practice sessions, then started charging and incrementally raised my prices as my confidence, value, and expertise grew.

The Mentor Training is offering you a chance to be a part of a collective of fellow mentors in our Mentoring For Mentors program. For only £15 per month join a monthly live call, plus community support any time you need it from other mentors just like you, all around the world. Join now.

5. How long did it take your confidence to gain momentum so you could fully believe in yourself?

I would say 2 years. The first two years of running my business were a rollercoaster ride of fear, self-doubt, and anxiety where I wasn’t sure it would quite work. But since then, every year has become more and more relaxed, fun and easeful and I’m 100% here for that. Those first two years were worth all the freedom, creativity, and evolution in me and my work ever since.

6. What’s the most powerful way to invite people to your offerings? I am not keen on social media and am struggling.

Find creative ways to get in front of the people your offerings are for. Think about it… Where do they hang out? Where do they work? What are their struggles? What do they read/watch/listen to? How can you position yourself so you can help them?

When I started social media was not the monster it is now, and I got my first year’s worth of clients through the following articles I wrote for larger digital publications: Betty Means Business; Thought Catalogue; Rebelle Society; TinyBuddha.

You have to think outside the box and listen to your intuition for those opportunities that are waiting for you. I rely on my newsletter more than ever nowadays to promote new offerings. Like this one!

Have you ever felt like you were hijacking yourself by stepping into the unknown?

No. I love the unknown, I love risk, I love the adrenaline of being at the edge of my discomfort. I will always and forever keep stepping into the unknown. That being said, doing so doesn’t necessarily feel easy and without fear or doubt for me, I’m just devoted to my growth so implicitly that it leaves me no other choice.

Do you ever occasionally wish you chose a “normal” path for any reason?

I sometimes dabble with the idea of what that might look like but ultimately when I am really honest with myself it never was an option for me. Do I sometimes resent the responsibilities of running a business? Yes. I resent the mundanity of life but that could be said of any kind of work or lifestyle.

How do you navigate the isolation of working for yourself?

I never felt isolated until the global pandemic hit us. Until then, I loved working alone. I have always cultivated friendships with people on a similar path with whom I would spend time, co-create with or meet for co-working dates. Now I rely on a team of people who are working and living in similar ways to me, to lean on and make an effort to meet up and co-work with people as much as possible.

That’s why we created Mentoring For Mentors! To alleviate the loneliness of running a solo business and offer the support we are all craving. Mentoring For Mentors is all about real talk, real support, and real growth - with a hefty dose of fun sprinkled on top. Learn more.

How do you keep boundaries when helping others?

Having healthy boundaries is an art and a skill and I truly believe the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So if you don’t have good boundaries in your life then you probably don’t have them in your work either and you have to learn them. I had to learn them. Due to my upbringing, I had zero healthy boundaries which brought me a lot of lessons. With time I learned how to listen to my body and make boundaries in an embodied way. Now, with lots of practice and dedication to this work, things that don’t match my energetic values and boundaries rarely even come into my field. So it’s not even a thing for me anymore. But it certainly was a journey to get here.

What’s next for you and your work?

The natural ongoing evolution of my creations:

My personal brand Vienda Maria includes a private mentoring practice as well as a group mentoring container under the name ‘Her Way’.
I have a small stationary brand called Plannher that’s being shopped and shipped all around the world.
And finally, I am the Director of a small team for The Mentor Training which has been running since 2022.

We at TMT are currently offering a few select people the opportunity to participate in The Mentor Training Essential program for FREE valued at £400 in exchange for your honest review.

You know how you want to create that deep, resonant connection with your clients and in your work? Well, this could be the key to making that happen. It’s an opportunity that could take your work to new heights and help us expand our reach to the people who need it.

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